No, I think not.  I've learned something about myself and sexuality.  It's easy to express a fantasy, to write without knowing where I'm going.  It flows because I can write the net easiest thing to describe.  Nobody can tell the difference because there's no reality to compare it to.  I can't put words to things that actually happen.  I can't describe them adequately.  I can't write when I can read what I've written and know that it's nowhere near a perfect representation.  

It's funny that I started writing this stuff as a release so it didn't build up inside.  I hadn't expected anything like this to be happening any time soon.  Then what, weeks after I start, things start happening in this area of my life.  Nobody had shown any interest in me in years.  I have to wonder if writing, admitting that this side of me existed, changed me in some way.  Did I show this sexuality on the outside?  Was I somehow, subconsciously killing any attractiveness I might have had by refusing to admit that I was a sexual person?  I suppose I'll never know.  

I'll keep trying to write, I enjoyed it for what little time I was able to do it.  Maybe I'll find the words, or the right metaphors or something.  But the way things are going right now, I can't express the reality of a relationship that's only getting better so I guess I'm kind of hoping I won't ever be able to write like this again.  I'm hoping I'll never need a release for my sexuality again.  We shall see.