No, I think not. I've learned something about myself and sexuality. It's easy to express a fantasy, to write without knowing where I'm going. It flows because I can write the net easiest thing to describe. Nobody can tell the difference because there's no reality to compare it to. I can't put words to things that actually happen. I can't describe them adequately. I can't write when I can read what I've written and know that it's nowhere near a perfect representation.

It's funny that I started writing this stuff as a release so it didn't build up inside. I hadn't expected anything like this to be happening any time soon. Then what, weeks after I start, things start happening in this area of my life. Nobody had shown any interest in me in years. I have to wonder if writing, admitting that this side of me existed, changed me in some way. Did I show this sexuality on the outside? Was I somehow, subconsciously killing any attractiveness I might have had by refusing to admit that I was a sexual person? I suppose I'll never know.

I'll keep trying to write, I enjoyed it for what little time I was able to do it. Maybe I'll find the words, or the right metaphors or something. But the way things are going right now, I can't express the reality of a relationship that's only getting better so I guess I'm kind of hoping I won't ever be able to write like this again. I'm hoping I'll never need a release for my sexuality again. We shall see.